After being off it for a few days I realized that I was taking adderall as a mood booster or stabilizer. It worked great at first and I was always happy and joyous to be around. But after a few months of taking it consistently and often times, taking a bit more for social settings, it became quite apparent that it no longer gave me the good feelings as it once did. Instead, it simply started to do what the drug is designed to do, which is focus on something and to try to solve problems. It’s great if I’m working on a project or at work. But socializing on it no longer worked. I was too zoned in on how others were treating me. Also just too spacey to enjoy anything. I no longer felt like myself.

I started taking it because I felt depressed and like my life was going nowhere. When I took it, it made me feel productive and like I was bettering myself. But over time I guess it just acted like a band aid because I still feel somewhat in the same place as I was when I started taking it.

I am a bit wiser though as I have learned from my experiences on it. You can’t run forever and at some point you gotta figure stuff out. Otherwise we just wasting time. I mean, times already passing whether you addy’d up or not. I think I’ve just come to a place where I don’t want to miss out on anything. I want to feel everything, even if it is painful.

There are things that can be done to alleviate symptoms of ADHD. Some things that have helped greatly are exercise, meditation, not drinking alcohol or not smoking weed in excess or not at all. It doesn’t have to be a pill. I just think a pill is what we’ve chosen because it makes us feel amazing. But at the end of the day, it’s just another high. Another form of escape if you aren’t careful.