Hi can you please just tell me im not a horrible monster for doing coke with friends and drinking for about 20 hours straight? I know it can get so much worse before some folks even see a problem and maybe I shouldn't be hanging with those folks and I just feel truely awful, and dissapointing and useless. I can't ever just do one lil snoot for fun, I do all of it til it's all gone and then I try to get more and I have to thrash about and cry and be put to bed like a toddler. I just never want to stop and then I have to and it's awful. I feel awful and now im on this recovery subreddit hoping I can start to make a real change, but first I need to get through today and then tomorrow is up next I guess.