Hello.

For around a 8 month period 4 years ago (16 years old), and a shorter 3 month period 1 year ago (19 years old), i abused adderall in a way that has left me with creeping doubt about my own mental capacity and function. The way in which i used was around 1-3 times a month, i would take an egregious amount of XR that ranged anywhere from 40mg-120mg all at once, leaning heavier towards 65-90 with tums for potentiation near the end of the cycle. I also usually took my prescribed dose of 15mg daily, but usually not directly after days in which i abused. It didn’t happen especially frequently as i at the very least had the understanding that taking breaks was the only way to stop myself from getting hopelessly addicted.

I know my story is somewhat tame compared to a lot of other’s, but i keep looking back with this horrible, horrible self doubt that i’ve been irreversibly damaged since then. I have no proof, and i can’t correctly place how intelligent i felt i was back then vs how i am now, but whenever i have trouble coming to a conclusion or understanding a concept in my marine sciences class i need for my bachelors, i always have that creeping feeling in the back of my mind saying ive been permanently damaged through misuse. I know many now healthy people struggled with the same doses i once did, but what i worry most about is the amount i took at once. In many of the stories i read, people take 100mg or more a day but they do it over the course of those 24 hours, not all at once.

I need honesty, has my brain been damaged? I don’t think ive gone senile and i dont think it would be a significant amount of damage, i just worry im a little bit off from where i was before.

Thank you, i never posted here during recovery but reading this forum helped immensely