Over the years, I would try to “quit” half-heartedly after a binge. First thing I would do after waking up is delete the number. Then a week or two would pass and I would be out having a couple drinks…then I would be digging through my messages or phone log and find it again. Lucky me.

My problem got to the point where I was dialing once or twice a week regularly. I didn’t need the number written down anymore because I had called it so many times.

When I decided to actually quit, I asked one of the guys that delivered to block me. He said he couldn’t because it wasn’t his phone and it was managed by a higher up guy. I believed him…I don’t really blame lower level dealers for this type of shit…it just comes with the territory. But I felt so deflated when he said that. I really felt I needed to cut access as much as possible, and at that moment I felt powerless and pathetic.

It took a lot of willpower, learning, reflecting, sharing etc…but I’m now months out and feel very positive. I feel like I’ve grown a lot and I’m comfortable in my sobriety…

And then today I was thinking about it and realized I couldn’t remember the number anymore. I know this is largely a symbolic thing. I’m not dumb enough to believe this makes me “free” from addiction or something. But man, this feels like such a tangible indication of my success and growth.

I’m feeling proud of myself. I wanted to share with you all because I know we struggle a lot together…but there are victories along the way!

I hope you all have a great weekend. Stay positive and stay sober.