So i started taking adderall about 2 years ago, friend of mine who used to take it all the time told me to try it out. I did and it was fantastic. I was aware that i needed to be cautious with this drug, but that high was indescribable. It was magical. I needed to find a way to continue using it responsibly. I took precautions to be careful at first. Id only get around 200mgs per month, taking 60mgs per dose to get high. After a few months this was a sacred practice in my life. I totally saw nothing wrong with this, because of how intense the high felt and how deeply it impacted me emotionally. It was the most memorable thing I've experienced. An intense high that makes one feel invincible, then a somber comedown that makes one really reflect on themselves. I loved this process. Taking adderall felt like opening all pathways to the soul and allowing whatever to pour in. It was an enlightening experience. it wasnt just getting high, it was sacred. I made one key mistake in my "precautions" tho. Tolerance. I didnt know that amphetamines build tolerance quickly and that tolerance tends to stay. I started to have to up my dose more and more to achieve the magical high. Im sure you can guess the rest. More pills purchased per month, more pills consumed, more strain on heart, more tweak, more chaos, more paranoia, more anxiety, less sleep, etc. it was the saddest thing ever, slowly watching this sacred, angelic experience slowly evolving into something sinister. (Of course i was in denial that this was happening and was harmful to me, despite knowing deep down that the experience lost its magic a tiny bit with each time i do it) I would attempt to fix this by taking long breaks. The breaks in between sessions grew larger and larger as i started to realize that my breaks were ineffective at changing the potency, duration and dosage required to achieve the desired effect. I came to a harsh realization that i cant really undo my amphetamine tolerance, that my entire relationship with the drug is flawed, and that im going to have to stop. Not because im dependent, but because im addicted to the idea of taking it. I dont need to take it to function, it doesnt affect my natural dopamine/energy levels, (aside from the few day recovery period.) now Logically i know its not gonna be any different the next time i take it, but i like to fantasize about all the possible positives that could come from taking it. I like to completely ignore the reality that it isnt what it used to be, and instead fantasize about all those magical nights i used to have, all the productivity, creativity, euphoria, etc. and try to imagine the next time i take it ill have fun again. I guess i just have a deep emotional attachment to this drug and cant imagine myself stopping despite the experiences slowly becoming less and less fun. I can take weeks/months off adderall without any concerns, because i know ill do it again...someday. My reason for posting is because i want to hear some opinions. I understand my situation isnt as bad as some others in this sub, and some would probably kill to be in my situation, but still wanted to hear other opinions. Im curious if the relationship i have with adderall is common? If someone with more experience could hit me with a reality check? Im sure everyone has had those magical experiences the first handful of times they used amphetamine, and loosing that 'magical experience' doesn't change how addictive it is. So how do i quit?