History: 60-90 mg Dexedrine and Adderall every single day for 2 years.

Months 1-17: utter Hell. There was a pink cloud the first few months but the majority of the time was excruciatingly painful. I couldn’t work, I couldn’t enjoy anything, and I often felt in a daze and that things didn’t seem real.

I’d have brief moments (a day or week) where I thought I was breaking through only to feel back at square one.

I saw other people celebrating at 8 months clean and I literally thought I was fucked. That I wouldn’t recover. That I was the unlucky one that had permanently fried his brain.

While I still struggle with fatigue, anhedonia, motivation, and focus, I feel the best I have in years.

I feel like I was operating at 5-20% for most of the first 17 months and then over the past 4 weeks rapidly went to 60%.

Now, I see the light at the end of the tunnel and am confident by year 3 I’ll be back at 100%.

And for the first time in forever I feel OK enough to be able to endure the next 18 months back to baseline… I honestly didn’t think I’d make it the first 17 months, but I’m so glad I stuck it out.

I wish I had advice, but it was really just time. My diet and activity levels sucked and have only improved now that my brain is functioning better and I can cook and move more.

Supplements did nothing, and may have made things worse.

I also cut my caffeine from 600 mg daily to 200.

Quit nicotine. Got off all psychiatric drugs except Lexapro at a reasonable dose (been on it for 20 years).

No booze. No weed. Just clonidine at night to help me sleep but I’m weaning off just because I don’t want to take a blood pressure med to sleep.