I’ll have 21 months clean this month for context. But, here are some thoughts I wrote while in my feelz at work today <3

I don’t know, I sometimes struggle with mild imposter syndrome. Like, why am I so happy? This is incorrect. This is wrong. Fuck this pen. But, I don’t know. I feel safe? And that counts for a lot. This is when I pray to God to remove my fears. Like, why does happiness feel incorrect? Perhaps, because we are not used to it yeah? It’s also a self-worth thing. Know your worth an add tax, bitch! You are clean. You’re doing the damn thing, finally! But, you know what? Yesterday I was crying because the life I once lived was fucking miserable. Empty. Totally meaningless. My life held no significance. But, today it does. I’m proud of who I am becoming. I’m excited for the future. Each day, I am grateful for a chance to pack into the stream of life. I just have to make my younger self proud. I spent years at war with myself. Depressed. Suicidal. Self-harming. I just always felt I would never be able to escape the darkness that once consumed me, but, here we are. Gosh, I’m so grateful to not feel like I barely have my head above water for once. The fear of being too much is a bit relevant, like, why would Kyle love me? I am… I don’t know, me. I shouldn’t doubt myself like that because you’ll never be too much for someone who can’t get enough of you, right? And of course, he likes that I’m me-I’m a blast! Don’t give into that self-doubt, bitch! Thank you God for all my blessings and for sobriety and for reciprocated love.