I guess this is the first true step. I've been aware how problematic my drug use is, but always just brushed it off thinking it was not that big of deal. Thought I was just addicted to amfetamines, but no it's everything. Threw all my dopamine related shit away and my cravings became so intense after 2 weeks I started doing ketamine and 2cb that I kept, cause I thought I only had a problem with uppers. But nope. I will take anything if the cravings are bad enough.

I'm truly am a drug addict. It took me 5 relapses to admit it to myself and open up. Now it's just the waiting game again.

How the fuck am I gonna survive the cravings. I already bought a bike trainer and am buying a new bike tomorrow to start exercising again and I want to call the helpline for addicts tomorrow.

Support groups, community, therapy? Will it do me good. I don't want go to rehab, but I need support.

I'm feeling positive right now. I'm just scared of what's to come. I miss my old self so much...