203 days clean.

It all started in 2015. I came to Germany. I had a job for which everyone reminded me that I am shit and worthless. You know if you are not academic you are considered shit in some countries.

Then I met my first partner here. He had ADS and convinced me that I had the same thing. When in my case it's probably PTSD. From crappy jobs and toxicity in my country.

The doctors diagnosed me easy. Of course I guess they want you to work. This medication is like Soma (brave new world).

Then I kept taking it because quitting was complicated. But I wish I would have beeing strong to quit sooner. I know you can't change the past. But if I had quit sooner I wouldn't have put up with my second partner (he was narcissist). He wouldn't have wrecked me (temporarily. I could recovered physical but mentally is still an issue). And I wouldn't have been abused by one of those creeps who think we foreigners are there for them. He put drugs in my drink last summer. I really should have run but I didn't. He caught me off guard. I didn't have temper while I was taking that crap.

I have won the war, but you know that life is a continuous battle. We must not let our guard down.

I'm glad I have my temperament back. I'm glad I feel like myself. I am glad that in 2024, thanks to improving my English, I have met people from other countries, and men more like me even though they come from so far away.

Thanks to all of you who have put up with me and continue to put up with me on DM.

Thanks to this community that allows you to express yourself.

I like my new life better. Yes, the days I don't sleep is hard to being able to work. But I'm not a robot. I'm a human being. The pain feels stronger. But I like to feel it. I'm glad I don't have such a high libido. High libido, low self esteem, having a good job that is considered insufficient by the morons here and being in a foreign country is normal that led me to the abuse of last year and to give with local idiots.