So a week ago I tried to get sober again, my third attempt ,but I usually can never make it past a week. I've been back to using for 3 days now.

Started our self medicating with amfetamine and amfetamine related research chemicals about a year ago to help me with my autism and study. That worked well for a couple of months before I started using it more and it became an almost daily habit. It totally lost all the therapeutic benefits it had for me in the beginning and I just started using it to feel something.

The moment I start not feeling anything anymore I return to drugs.

I actually had a pretty good day today. Woke up way too late and tired, but I made the most of it. also decided to take one pill of 30mg 2-fma, a research chemical similar to lisdexamfetamine. I figured reducing the dosage is at least something. Yesterday I took 3 pills. For the first time in months I decided to do about 30 minutes of a home workout using dumbells and such. Had a cold shower afterwards and my head was clear and felt good with no anxiety.

Then it starts getting dark outside and I'm starting to experience anhedonia again. No desire to do anything. I start craving stimulans again and I give in.

I want to break this cycle so bad, but I just can't get through the anhedonia. I constantly need to feel stimulation.

It's starting to slowly ruin my life and I don't want that to happen to me. I have dreams for the future, but I will never achieve them if I continue down this road. And my autism just makes everything worse. It's really hard for me to go outside without a reason, even though I know I should. I haven't left my home in 6 days except to do groceries and getting a haircut.