So I’ve been receiving outpatient treatment for methamphetamine abuse. I was referred for an eval by my employer- treatment and drug screenings are the stipulation for keeping my job. I was found with drugs in my possession, but the police were not called and I got very lucky. Admitted I wasn’t gonna pass a UA and that honesty was highly in my favor.

My main diagnosis is depression and anxiety, but I also have signs of ocd and borderline. I have been misdiagnosed with bipolar (which was really bpd.)

I get asked on a regular basis by people if I have ADHD, but the layman isn’t meant to diagnose. I was in a group and mentioned how I’d have stuff scattered in piles and an attendee mentioned I could get an adhd diagnosis. I mentioned I was high when that was happening, but it was clear the group leader agreed.

Sure enough, I saw her for our final session as she is starting a new job. I read the notes and it was true I wasn’t focused on group because I didn’t like it, it was on music and I found it triggering so I struggled to focus because I didn’t want to be there. At the end of our session she said there was something she wanted to talk about. I was wondering if it was ADHD, and that was exactly it.

She was convinced, and that was only our second one-on-one. She asked me if I’ve been diagnosed. I said I never have read it on a file or been told but I had to have been because I took Ritalin at 9 or ten, got off of it due to a bad reaction, and it was never brought up by any professional or teacher ever again. The diagnosis seemed very sketch because I jumped out of a chair due to nerves, and she asked if I did stuff like that at school. I said no, and was given a Ritalin script. This psych never asked me about anxiety (which I had in spades but couldn’t articulate because I was a petrified child.)

The therapist suggested my anxiety is just being scattered from adhd, even tho I’m actually calm with no noise or chatter in my head after working on reducing my anxiety and being off all stimulants (minus nicotine and caffeine.) It kind of offended me, as I feel my anxiety was missed as a child, and it’s definitely more than just a causation of my adhd (I do know adhd can cause anxiety, not dismissing that.) I kind of hate the calm feeling, I feel bored, I’m used to dysfunction and chaos, and miss the drug life due to that, which she thinks sounds like adhd as well.

She suggested stimulant meds within a year of sobriety, believing therapeutic doses could reduce my risk of relapse, despite admitting I have stolen and abused adhd meds on top of meth abuse! I find this so irresponsible. She is a dual mental health counselor/lac, not a psych. She did suggest a referral for an eval, which was responsible at least.

The problem is anxiety, depression, and adhd all overlap, and can even occur together. I do not feel scattered whatsoever, but I struggle with focus, time management, keeping track of things, and being overwhelmed/not knowing where to start with tasks. I also talk too much to the point of disruption, and have family members with legit diagnosed adhd.

I think an assessment would be good. Am actual adhd specialist would be trained to differentiate between adhd, anxiety and depression. Of course, because of my SUD diagnosis, I’m terrified I would be dismissed as drug seeking, but I can ask for a recommendation by my treatment team to help mitigate that stigma perhaps.

If I have adhd, I’ll be angry at my parents for dismissing that diagnosis and not treating it. I’ll also be ashamed because on the adhd subreddit, abusing stims means you don’t have adhd, and fuck you for making it harder for ppl to get their meds. I def got high, but I also felt calm in the sense my mind stopped racing. No more anxiety about making mistakes- I could only focus on the task at hand and not what could go wrong (the anxiety during comedown/withdrawal was severe tho.) Is that an adhd type response or how everyone feels on a stim?

I just want to know what’s going on so I can live my life to the fullest- adhd or no.

Sorry for this tl;dr ramble. Needed to vent I guess.