To make a long story short I was confronted by a family member about my abuse and I was so tired and burnt out (plus, I had Covid) that I did the dumbest thing imaginable and admitted to it. One week off the stuff (day 8) and I feel absolutely miserable, like I am in hell. I realize that was a mistake. I DON'T want to quit, I DON'T want to get sober, I fucking can't.

Now though, my family is forcing me to get off the meds, they are forcing me to talk with a doctor and confess my abuse and they are forcing me to go to a treatment program. I love my family to death, and they love me, but I can't help but feel absolutely furious with them. A part of me blames them for this predicament I am in. I had to take the week off from work and I know when I go back on Monday I will feel awful.

I have been on these pills almost daily for eight years and now I am being forced to stop. I am trapped in this damn house with them feeling like absolute hell, and most likely, this is going to be my life for the next several months. I know it is selfish and unfair, but again, I am so mad at them. I feel like they are taking this away from me and now my life is going to be absolute trash without it. I can't enjoy life, I wake up feeling like death everyday, and it only gets mildly better as the day goes on, I can't work. My life is ruined. I don't even want to be anywhere near them right now. Is this unjustified? Yes. Is this immature? Yes.

Is this the way I feel? Yes.