Ive been taking wellbutrin for like 2weeks now. 150mg... i dont notice much of a difference i get down quite often...and think about getting high still. I feel shame because i feel if i ran into 5k$ i would relapse...i dont feel a burning desire to be clean i guess i just want more dopamine or my brain does.

Prozac i took before this last relapse and felt good. Felt less raw you know? Not much of my thoughts constantly naggin at me like a junkie girlfriend. But it took away my want to write.

Maybe if i increase the number to 300mg i might feel better? Or maybe go back to prozac and throw in the towel on my writing. Or maybe i can just stop overthinking shit and realize its going to suck for a year or two.. being that i was shooting meth and heroin last 10 years on a bukowski'esque grand ol degenerate adventure full of hedonism and shame.

Id like to want to talk to people or feel pleasure when i make someone laugh. Id also like to buy my tent back and fade into the metherworld and join my shadow friends and wander the riverlands again..but im 37 feels like the good ol question of

To be or not to be?