Last night was my first night sleeping without having used coke or amph during the day (in 1.5 hours ill be at 48 hrs since my last line of coke), and I usually dont dream much (also dont usually sleep much lol), but I slept a good 8-9 hours before work and I swear I dreamt the entire night about using fucking meth, cocaine, or amphetamines. Like multiple fucking dreams about this. I made it through today without using. But fuck, I dont want to dream of taking stimulants all night again. I know some of yall know what i'm talking about. Im sick of this shit. 12 fucking years. Ive had a few short lived sober streaks, and a few periods of fairly light use (not daily), but the last 3 months have been bad. The heaviest use in probably 7 years or so. Its all I can think about. I want to be done. I need to be done. Im to old for this, and its effects are starting to really hurt me physically. Im done before it actually harms my career (I have a good job, with good pay) or my kid. And typing "my kid" made me break into tears...he's the number 1 reason Im fucking done with this shit. Im a single dad with 50%, and hes my fucking world. I need to be here for him.

All this to say, I just dont want dreams of stimulants all night again. Hope yall are doing well :/