This is becoming unbearable.

I have no one to support me, I have no one who cares about me, my only friend/lover is abusive, I've been up for two days in sheer terror from hallucinations and delusions.

I've been anxious and I get constant panic attacks, even when not using.

I get nightmares of being tortured vividly, and even though I'm so tired, I try and force myself to stay awake. I get sleep paralysis when I do sleep and it lasts a long time. I yell and scream and wish someone would wake me but no one is here for me.

My family is broken up. Mom's doing her own thing and being her damaging self again towards me and my brother has grown to lack empathy, and is pretty cruel, because he developed substance use problems now too.

I'm so tired, but I have to keep my eyes open to make sure these hallucinations don't get me or harm me.

The ER here locally hates me.

My care team, well, I feel they'll feel almost as hopeless as I do.

Even though he's abusive, I wish he didn't abandon me tonight because I left the house for a few hours... at least I could pretend he actually genuinely loves me and I could feel good that I'm giving care and love to another human...

He's so insensitive and wouldn't care if I died. He encourages it... but he's the only person I've known the past three years.

I don't feel like socializing because my energy is just so low.

It's 4 am and my eyes are blood shot and I fee about 10 different hallucinations.

Waiting for official withdrawal hell to set it, I supposed.

There's so passion, creativity in me. Just fear, terror, despair and no feeling flat.

I feel so bad.