i do not have access to adderall at the moment, and okay i had one beer and i tried to drink a second one but i literally didn’t want it and threw it out. i was proud of myself and thought 2 lattes was a good outcome but i still feel like ass of course? logically. why do i always have to do something destructive? why can’t i just go out and have a nice time? it was a show at a local brewery that im decently comfortable at. i wasn’t expecting them to have coffee but there was a few vendors and one was selling lattes. now i am home and for some reason took my bpm and its higher than it ever was after taking like 100mg of adderall? like really? my boyfriend is telling me im fine and i should just go to sleep but obviously if i could sleep i would. and i think the heightened health anxiety comes from adderall abuse in the first place. it’s just annoying how i can’t even be proud of myself even though to me personally, on paper, coffee sounds a lot better than alcohol or adderall. but when you say that to a person who hasn’t abused stimulants, of course they’re gonna think that sounds ridiculous.