A colorless life.

I feel like I'm purgatory. I'm invisible. My life is pointless and holds no value.  I don't know how to  get back to the other side. It's harder now because I've been to that side many times and always ended up back here in purgatory. So why try and go back and just end up back in purgatory. It's so exhausting traveling between worlds all the time.

Easier to stay in this Gray world, and drift with the other drifters and roam...so much roaming for nill, but a part of me yearns to be colorful and  uncumbured from this sea of constant disasstisfaction and labored breathing of life in meth induced  purgatory

Days are filled with long faces and lost words. My skin is growing a new fungi overcoat. It smells. I stare at a screen filled with confused women doing sinful acts or posing for prince charming  to come and save them from their low lit world and bring them some where shiny. My soul aches for a brief moment before their youthful skin brings me a much needed dopamine bath. Hours later dopamine crashed, I fight to stay away from the thoughts of suicide or God has forsaken thee.

Another snort or a red rose in a needle. I feel content again, but not as content as the first hundred hits. Color is back on the menu for 4-8 hours. But that color is slowing dimming over these years in purgatory. did you see that I asked myself again. Ah, yes, it's just the shadow people again.  At least they talk to me.

I stare......I stare..... into nothing