Today I went to my second NA meeting. One of the attendees proposed a question for us to answer about how each of us assimilates with the group.

I answered that I barely can answer because it's my second meeting in this group, but I’m withdrawn person, usually doing nothing to meet people, and after a while, I always wonder why I feel that I don’t belong to the group. I’m afraid that this will happen this time, which could cause me to stop attending.

During the break, I was asked outside for a cigarette, but I’m a non-smoker, and then I didn’t talk back and just stood there alone for 2 minutes and then I decided to leave the meeting and drove home. It’s not that I need to take drugs because of this now, for now, I’m good, because it’s been 3 days since I’ve been sober and I really want drop this shit, but how do I talk to those people during the break?

I know that SSRIs are helping, but in the past month, I’ve destroyed their effect due to the fact that last week I didn’t take any pills because of a week long binge. Anyway, when I took pills regularly and consumed drugs at the same time, the sertraline didn’t work well either, and it will take at least a few weeks before it starts working again.