Why does it seem people “family, public, everyone in general” seem to treat me and accept me so much better while amped.

Feels like they’d rather me be medicated than sober. It’s a battle I deal with.. sober they can’t stand me but this isn’t sustainable or maybe it is till I’m 50, 31m now. But who wants to go through readjustment at that age.

It’s like it brings out the person everyone wants and believes to be the best me but it’s at the detriment to my health long term. Idk what to do. I hate they have to watch what they seem think the best me fade away or not be there because I’m not going to maintain a speed addiction.

It’s a frustrating situation.. I want to be that person for them and myself but it’s only there when I’m medicated/using speed… the whole universe seems to accept and move to my will when I’m amped.

Sober it’s a blurry, slow, painful, chore.