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Hereās what Iāve learned at 13 months: what makes this recovery so hard if not necessarily because itās acute and intense pain, but that it takes so fucking long.
I feel like Iām going to reach 24 months and then really have to work to rebuild my life. I feel like right now itās still just fighting the fatigue, anhedonia, and utter lack of motivation every day.
I donāt think most people understand what itās like to be so mentally handicapped for 2 years. To feel like youāre wasting so much time on top of the time you wasted on stimulants.
Like, Iām going to be 39 by the time Iām through thisā¦. And then Iām going to have to try and build a new career and get myself financially sound.
People talk about this being a chance to turn a new page and that Iām āso young,ā but I feel like Iām such a loser and I feel like itās over. Wasted my 20s and 30s. Thought I found the cure and it just threw me back into the mud even harder.
Do I have to just accept that Iām not a very motivated or driven person and that I donāt like to work hard?
What a waste. I know Iām intelligent, but itās been fucking wasted. I keep thinking about what I could have done.
No, if anything I used to sleep too much! I could easily do 10 hours per day pre stims.
Oh. Dude. Considering weāre talking 7 years with 4 years of meth (assuming daily), youāve probably got a good year left back to baseline.
I mean, it could very well be due to my sleep difficulties which Iāve had ever since quitting.
Hmm. I definitely believe that would help but don't know how to do it.
Do you think maybe that belief came from feeling better tho?
What was your use history like? Have you always struggled cognitively?
Yeah. It drives me crazy when people reduce it to diet and exercise. Iāve been out of shape before and it was nothing like this.
Why do you think it took you so long?
Is it normal to still feel mentally and cognitively wonky for 2 years?
Adderall did a number on my brain. Yeah, I was using 2-3x the max recommended dosage for 2 years straight, but itās still amazing I feel so crappy at 13 years
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Yep. 60-90 mg every day for 2.5 years