I spiraled and I lost myself completely. I didn’t care what happened, who found out, what I did. All I cared about was getting high. I was still being a mom, going to school, going to work, doing everything I needed to do… but my main priority was getting high.

Not to mention the absolutely TERRIFYING nightmares I have been having for weeks. I was averaging 1 hour of sleep a night.. was it the meth causing the nightmares or my out of control depression/anxiety? idk. And what was causing the sleep (or lack there of), the meth or the nightmares? couldn’t tell ya.. both maybe? i was completely miserable and at my absolute lowest.. lower than i was on the worst day if my entire life.

But I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror one day and everything just clicked.. who the fuck did I turn into? I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. this is not the woman i worked so hard to be. i decided then that i was done using for good (of course i had just used the last of my shit too, convenient).

i reached out to a friend i met in this group and we talked and now she’s my sponsor. the best person for the job.. she’s been there since the beginning and will absolutely make sure i hold myself accountable.

i’m now on day 3 and i feel like total shit. the comedown and withdrawals get worse every time i relapse and get sober again. but i know i want to be sober and stay sober. my kid doesn’t deserve this mom or this life and neither do i.

i have my people to reach out to and i was able to tell my boyfriend the truth as well and he was extremely understanding. so now i have him to support me and that’s one less person i’m hiding from.

i was able to quit, which was hard, but staying sober will be the biggest test. i am stronger than the drug!