Back story: i’m 30 and i found out recently that my bf (33) of 9 months has been using coke behind my back. I wasn’t so much upset about him using as much as I was as he was hiding it. He said that he only hid it because he knew that I had a problem with it in the past and that only used it occasionally to help him focus because of his ADHD. I asked him to occasionally share with me because I do know my limits but no matter what, he said he never would.

Cool, that’s fine. I just asked him to be honest with me about it all.

But I couldn’t get it out of my head that the coke was in the house and I went looking for it, which of course I found it and I did a line. As I was breaking it up, I quickly realized it was not coke, but meth. I was furious that he lied to me but now I know the real reason why he wouldn’t ever share. I ended up doing the line anyways and now it’s been at least 5 days and I keep taking a little bit from him each day and doing it. I want to stop because I feel so guilty knowing i’m doing meth and i feel like absolute shit but also so damn good.

He keeps asking if i’m okay because I’m happier and opening up to him more and acting different and i just keep telling him that i’m trying to have a different mindset on things rather than be in the depressed mood i have been in so i don’t think he’s caught on.

I start school in a few weeks and i don’t want to keep going but I’m terrified of how i’m going to feel when i stop. I also feel my body needing it and craving it and no matter how much i tell myself not to do it anymore, i still find myself in the bathroom doing another line.

How do I stop and make this as easy as possible?

I just need advice for me to stop.. not advice for him or our relationship. Thank you!