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āI finally know that normal people feel like.ā
I was high as a kite on 40 mg. I thought I would be the person that my family had always seen in me (āyouāre so smart. You have so much potential!ā)
The next years were like a dream. As the dosage escalated, I started to see doctor after doctor asking what was happening to me (they never suspected the stimulants). They thought I had bipolar disorder, ptsd, and was having derealizationā¦. So they put me on 2 anti depressants, an anti psychotic, and benzos.
2.5 years later, I was on 90 mg prescribed Dexedrine per day (thatās equal to 280 mg of Vyvanse). I could pop a 30 mg addy IR and still be tired and unfocused.
Tragically, what I thought would āfix meā destroyed me.
By then I was starting to acknowledge and accept what had happenedā¦. It was under my nose the whole time. I couldnāt believe I hadnāt seen it, and I was mad no one else did (not even the hospital that took me in for suicide watch).
11 months later, Iām getting back to normal, very slowly. Iām probably 50% back.
I believe the next 12 months will see a return to neurological baseline. Finally.
I try. Itās more a constant drowsiness.
Really? Iām still frequently tired 11 months in.
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Due to Paradoxical decompensation, these meds always lead to dependency, and you end up performing below baseline .
You end up having to live with it, or increase your dose to get the edge back.
They alter the brainās reward system overtime.
There is also a lot we donāt know because there has not been many long term studies.