For over two years my doctor allowed me to take an average of 90 mg Dexedrine/Adderall (started at 60 mg and then a booster was added after several months).

Every single day I woke up, took a 30 mg IR, and then a few hours later took 60 mg XR.

I’ve seen slow improvements, but I feel like I’m unraveling because I still feel so far from the finish line.

Severe anhedonia, fatigue, lack of motivation, etc.

I’m trying. I really am. I’m in a mental health program, I’m walking, trying to eat better, etc.

For the first 6 months hope is what got me through…. “Hang in there! You’ll be can to baseline eventually.”

Now I’m doubting…. Now I’m wondering if this is my new horrific normal…. And I’m in deep despair.

Every day I wake up to the same hell and I wonder how much longer I can endure this…

Sorry, just needed a safe place to vent. I swear if I make it through this I’ll make sure to spend my life helping others do the same…. But I’m not sure I will recover…. I think I’ve lost faith.