It's so fucking crazy that I thought I was working better or faster on amphetamine. Part of me still thinks like that, automatically. "Gotta get something big done? You could make it easier with speed, you know?"

And it's such absolute bullshit. It might be more "fun" while doing it (read: destroy my brain to make boring things fun), but it can easily take several times as long to finish. The fact that I can finish something at all is mindblowing, but "doing something real quick" may easily take hours in that state. I can't believe that I thought I was more efficient. Just yesterday I did something in an hour that took 4 hours last year.

Getting clean made it really hard to do anything for a few weeks. I'm around week 4 after my relapse and even though I still feel kinda weak-ish, I've already proven to myself that I work much better, faster, and more efficient, than I did while using. It's mindblowing how I couldn't see that while high.