I went for a run just now, for the first time in months. I'm so slow and overweight. I have to be careful when I run not to injure myself. A couple years ago I was a lot skinnier and faster. I had a girlfriend a couple years ago, and maybe I still do, but we're on a "break" for whatever that means. I hurt my ankle pretty bad back in August or September, and the last few months have been relatively rough. Things always seem to get worse when I hurt myself and can't exercise. I think that the value of exercise really can't be stressed enough. Not necessarily enormous amounts of it, but regular exercise seems to have a real impact on my mood and decision making.

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I was thinking about writing one long paragraph so that this post would fit in. We like long paragraphs don't we? Oops.

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Oh, but anyway the point I was going to make was while I was running I was thinking about how I was fat and slow and it was hard to run and then I remembered what it was like 7 years ago. I wasn't fucking running anywhere. I was smoking a pack a day, and I was going to say something about the meth use, but it's funny, I don't even remember the last time I used meth, anymore. I don't remember the use, I don't remember the high. Maybe, if it is when I think it is, I remember crying my eyes out just answering the questions at the intake for outpatient treatment. I'm sure I was high when I went to that, and I think I might not have used after that.

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Although I couldn't identify it at the time, I think mostly the tears were tears of relief. I didn't know what those were then, and now they are the tears I am most familiar with. I guess they are the ones I am crying now.

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Anyway, I'm not exactly sure why I'm posting this, but us humans sure do round numbers.

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If you read this far, I guess my message is that life can be lived without drugs. It isn't always great but in my experience it's better than it was with them. I didn't know it was possible for a long time, and I wish I'd know sooner.