I'm a 25 M. Four years ago I started to date this girl. Wonderful, down to earth, kind and she loved me unconditionally. However, I always had doubts if she was the one - always looking over my shoulder for the next best thing, basically straining our relationship quite greatly. She still loved me no matter what I did, and always wanted what's best for us. It's painful to admit, but I really did take her for granted in many ways and I never knew what I had until I lost it quite recently when she ended because of my uncertainty which had caused her to lose feelings.

In hindsight I of course realise everything I should have done differently. How I should have treated her better, how I should not have taken her for granted and that I should have seeked therapy earlier. Why therapy? It's come to my attention that many of the issues that strained our relationship came from my psychological profile - I've grown up with quite a childhood and trauma that has made me avoidant in my attachment style, which basically means that I shy away from deeper bonds and when stuff get serious even though I want one. Meaning that I have tons of insecurities and stuff that made it impossible for me to give her the relationship she wanted from me, even though I still cared for her and perhaps even loved her.

Now that I'm in therapy and making progress, I of course have made progress in dealing with my issues. But the first love man (this is my first breakup).. it's very hard for me to let go of her. The everyday conversations, someone who loved me no matter what, the stability of having a certain imagined future. I just miss her. My therapist said that this will be for quite some time - I will miss her, because she meant alot to me and it's a mourning phase that I'll have with me for some time moving forwards in life. Perhaps always to some degree.

My mind is pondered with '"what if's" and "should have" - I should have seeked help earlier, I should have told her I loved her, I should have.. What if I had done x or y. What if we still would be together?

Now I really worry about my future - will I meet someone again? What happens if I die alone and unwanted?

I've learnt a lot from my first relationship and I will never repeat the same mistakes again in the future.

Do you guys have any wisdom on accepting this outcome? I know that me and her will probably never get back together, which is not something that I think would solve our issues anyways. This pain is something I have to endure to grow as a person.

Edit: so much wisdom and kind words in the comments. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’ll try to reply to everyone sooner or later, but for now I feel much better knowing there are many smarter and more mature people out there that may have experienced the same thing and survived. Thanks again for this subreddit!!