So I've been a practicing Stoic for about a year and it has helped a lot to remove my depression and general anxiety. However, as I near the end of my STEM PhD here in Europe, and have to figure out the next phase of my life, I'm overwhelmed. I come from a poor African country and I've always had a strong desire to be financially successful in order to care for my family and basically say "fu*k you" to poverty and not having enough - both things I experienced growing up.

Every single day of the last 3 weeks, my mind keeps playing out thoughts of my resume being trashed, failing(or succeeding) at job interviews, earning my first big salary, increasing my income etc. I feel like my whole life depends on that job and money I will get after my PhD and my anxiety increases when I realize I may not get a high paying job and that I may have to start small. It's so bad it affects my ability to sleep and many days I end up sleeping by 6am. Some days, I manage to sleep but end up waking up by 2 or 3am and can't sleep again. Today is an example. I lay my head down and this is all I obsess about.

I won't claim to have OCD because I've never gone for a formal diagnosis but I certainly have a known history of obsessing over my fears to the extent that I become handicapped and lose productivity even for months. This is something that has improved since I became a Stoic but the fact that I'm about 6 to 7 months away from applying to jobs just intensifies my anxiety.

I know it's useless to obsess over these things and I know very well what Seneca and the other teachers have said about anxiety related to future events(good or bad) but whenever my mind goes into this mode, I can't seem to pull myself out of it. I guess I'm writing to you folks to be reminded about why my anxiety is useless and how I can cope with it. I'm trying not to get into the vicious cycle of being disappointed in myself for not being Stoic enough about this situation which then leads to more anxiety which them leads to more disappointment and so on.

Your thoughts would be highly appreciated. I sincerely want to regain my Stoic peace of mind. I don't want to care about this issue. I just want to work hard and let the future play itself out. I don't want to care what others have or say about me and my possessions.

P.S. I feel slightly better after I typed this out. Thanks for this community