Im a single 31 yr old man, my whole life ive felt alone, sad, and sometimes depressed. My parents were verbally abusive to each other before they seperated after 25 yrs. I have always been alone, i never got a gf, not for the lack of trying via dating apps. I even went to south east asia, and paid for escorts just to not feel lonely, to feel like i have someone who pretends to like me for 1 hr, honestly that was a mistake.

I want to stop desiring women. I have been addicted to porn, now that has significantly reduced to just seeing some scantily clad women on instagram. I dont want to look at couples in restaurant or malls and feel sad and start crying. I dont want to think i am inferior or less human because im not attractive. I dont even want this though, like need to turn this feeling off.

what advise would you give this indian man? i have lost hope of happiness, i think i wont even get married, i have been trying for arranged marriage. I want to rid myself of the bodily pleasure, and even materialistic ones(i blame my consumption of instagram for that). Is there any method or what to free myself from this poisonous desires?