Good Morning everyone, I hope you are all well. I am reaching out just to see if I can have any others advice through this situation (this will be somewhat long). I am a junior in college and my ex and I of a little under nine months had to call things quit. These nine months were very very interesting, it taught me quite a bit about myself and she said it did the same for her, now time to get into it.

Our time together, was rather interesting. Filled with good and bad, but one thing that was for certain is that I believed I may have been strung along in certain fashions allow me to elaborate. Throughout our time together, I would consistently find my ex talking to other guys on the through texts and I would confront her about it. Now no, I would never yell at her. That's not how my father taught me to behave with your girlfriends or women you are interested in. So we had our discussions she would state "I would never do it again." then turn around and do it again.

Things weren't always like this she would ebb and flow pretty consistently. It would almost seem like every two weeks she'd be interested and then there would be a spell for two weeks where she would be present but not "be present" if that makes sense. No we didn't live together but we would spend considerable time together considering we went to the same school. And I'll say when things we're good they were good. She was a phenomenal partner during these periods and I thing that's what I did I fell for her potential and quite honestly I believe in some ways she did the same.

During these periods in which I could evidently tell her interest she would do more (as I mentioned she'd never go as far as myself) but she would do more than just the bare minimum but I suppose I was expecting for her to love me in the same extravagant way I was her considering this is something we mentioned? I just never ever got to see the full side of that.

While I was always appreciative I always wanted more, and no as a man I should've been more upfront about it but I wasn't (yet again) I would say things like "Hey babe, I really want to go to WWE or AEW when it come to town.", or things like "Hey babe, I would really like to go to the Star Wars Orchestra in May." Ya know things like that, I would've thought she would take the hint? But I suppose not.

But because of things like this and in addition to it the first time we "tried" to date she ended up fucking her ex not even three months in I realistically shouldn't have tried but I found myself continuing to try to make her love me fully I guess?

So after months of feeling as if I wasn't being heard, cared for, or at the very least the first option I began to do the same (no I was meeting with this women) but I was deceiving my girlfriend at the time. As the old proverb goes "all things done in the dark must eventually come to light." So of course she found out and was reasonable livid, and so an argument ensued I blamed her, she blamed me it was an entire debacle.

Ah! Because I had almost neglected, she mentioned she was pregnant towards the genning of May, I at first didn't believe her as to this point she had been lying, sneaking, and changing passwords so realistically how could I? But then again I began doing some of those same things myself. I just find it strange that she would say this considering all I'd done up to this point.

She went on to say "You ain't shit nigga ", "You're insecure", "You ain't never done nothing for me", oh and the cherry on top of the cake "Yep, I sure did go on a date with a guy the day after I told you I was pregnant." I won't lie hearing those things really really really fucked me up. Because here I find myself in my third relationship and after doing all I literally can and financially can to the point where on the day of her abortion I still drove 13 hours and paid $650 for the surgery.

I won't lie the aftermath of all of this it really made me feel less than a man? Like obviously I can't blame her completely as I did my dirt also. But I just...how can you go on a date when you are pregnant with a man who proclaimed you "loved" baby? No matter, We did talk a few more times afterwards (because I at the very least wanted to make sure she was physically okay as I am the man who got her pregnant and also try to emotionally support here where I can). But I guess ultimately I just want to know what would you all do? I know at this point I'm rambling, but allow me to add also when she told me I was 8 hours away visiting family. But let's let it be known that when she was pregnant I was doing all I knew how, taking her to movies, running her baths, still attempting to be intimate. I genuinely tried I just felt like I could've done more? I just don't know if that's me or gaslighting (as overused as that word is now).

I find myself incredibly confused. As now I've done this dance twice with this woman and neither time has it worked. I am very unsure what to believe when it comes to her as in the beginning of our second tenure she was going "hard in the paint" so to speak. She also mentioned numerous times about how she believed we we're each other's "twin flame" now I am a spiritual man and even I fell into it. How intense our intimacy would be (not sex specifically) when we both would just relax and old one another and sit and talk for hours in some aspects she really was my best friend I suppose ultimately as conflicting as my emotions towards her and the situation. So any (reasonable) guidance would be nice.