I went to the doctor (I had taken vyvanse, kratom, caffiene, nicotine, and phenibut) and got an Eccocardiogram/EKG while I had back pain and chest pain (90mg of vyvanse that day, which is only ~30mg of dextroamphetamine, not a lot with a tolerance) and I got a call from a nurse a couple weeks later who said I was fine, but she sounded pissed off. Anyways, I seem to get chest pain from any stimulant other than Kratom, Caffiene, and Nicotine. Bromantane doesn’t either although it does cause palpatations very rarely. I used to take Benzedrex and I think that damaged my heart or something. I think I’ve had a few heart attacks that damaged my heart because I get chest discomfort so easily from stronger stimulants like my medication (Vyvanse) and Cyclazodone. I eat aspirin, CoQ10 and Agmatine like candy to try to control it on the days where I take more, but I just can’t stop taking stimulants. I guess I’m just sharing this as a cautionary tale. I’m only 22, I shouldn’t be getting upper back pain and cardiophobia (fear of heart issues and therefore focusing on it too much, causing anxiety which worsens symptoms) at this age. I just don’t know what to do. If it weren’t for Stimfapping I don’t think I’d have a problem with stimulants, because in every other regard I find my medication and Bromantane during breaks help me immensely, but the stimfapping screws all of that up because I run out a week or two early (that’s on average 100-140mg of Vyvanse a day, so 33-50mg of d-amph a day, still not unusually high) and it makes me so anxious over my heart and lack of relationships due to paranoia. I’ve ruined my life with this crap, I wish I had just never got prescribed vyvanse in high school and just flunked out because I’d have a music career by now anyways. I’d rather have done that than discover the insane dopamine rush of a stimfap session. Mix growing up online with easy access to porn, predisposition to addiction, and loneliness and this was destined to happen to 17yo me. It’s such a waste of potential and talent, my beautiful singing voice and songwriting talent thrown out the window for a shallow and wasteful activity. A shameful and self-damaging experience, self-inflicted yet it feels beyond my control. I don’t know what to do. I still play music almost everyday since I finally have a nice weighted keyboard and its easier to write music on that, but stimulants enhance my singing and playing ability so that compounds the addiction even more (had this problem with LSD a few years ago and lost my mind, I’ve never been the same since) probably just as much as the stimfapping. Another thing to mention is I’ve been trying to quit Phenibut, getting so close to quitting at around 200mg which isn’t a lot at all, but once I refill my script of Vyvanse I start getting chest/back pain and palpitations, likely because Phenibut withdrawal is well known to include those symptoms, mixed with a sensitive/damaged heart and you’ve got a vicious cycle from hell. The obvious answer is to stop and get help, because I’m so sick of lying and sneaking around. It’s so lame, gross, and wasteful. I’ve wasted so much time and potential. I can have a beautiful life and bless people with my songwriting. However, last time I was sober it was from Kratom, DXM, and Benzedrex and I was so depressed I couldn’t get out of bed for three months until I relapsed. I’m slowly killing myself guys, I’m sorry for the negativity and I know what the obvious answers are to my issue but I’m so ashamed, my adhd is so bad stimulants feel like the only answer, it’s just gotten so out of hand I can’t do it anymore.