I have to get this under control. It is so heartbreaking that I have destroyed my health so quickly when I used to pay very close attention to my health. Can't believe I've winded up here so young. Prior to my stimulant abuse I was an extremely against all drugs. Caffeine would scare me into thinking I was having a heart attack, but 16 I got an adhd diagnosis and got prescribed adderall, which I knew nothing about. I took twice the prescribed dose my very first time and later that day took a couple more. Had no idea what addiction or drugs were, let alone the fact that I had crossed that boundary. After that just a week and a half later I was prescribed the maximum dose. During that first month its like my soul was hijacked, however I still was oblivious due to having no concept of what an addiction was, let alone the fact that what I was doing was considered abuse. Then throughout the next year it spiraled out of control. Dabbled with meth for a good time and then had a big fentanyl scare so I started tapering down. I think my extreme anxiety is the only thing that saved me because if I wasn't so anxious I probably would have never stopped. I was running on autopilot and was taking doses higher than almost anybody. Without knowing at the time, half the ld50. I ended up in the mental hospital several times. Had several near death experiences, seretonin syndrome, seizures and nerve damage. Full blown psychosis is horrible as well and unfortunately the psychosis has now followed me into my life without stimulants. When that first pill hit my system it seemed to have already hijacked my brain due to it being the most outright blissful, euphoric and heavenly sense of freedom on earth. Something that I couldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams. I guess I had extreme underlying addiction tendencies. Looking back and thinking about the horrific things from my childhood, I definitely do have every single red flag and clue imaginable that I would be somebody at risk for addiction. In fact It's scary how well it lines up. Its unfortunate that the complete disgust for all drugs was not something that is part of my character but instead I was just blessed to have not been exposed to drugs yet.