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The sweating is more than atrocious, the paranoid delusions seem just as real as my (elevated) heartbeat - to the point where this morning I broke down and cried and apologized profusely for something I had hallucinated that my friends were talking about... when the conversation was never about me at all, the part where I have the same line of a song repeating on a loop in my head literally nonstop and the line between real and imaginary is real blurry on that one, the ungodly long hyperfocus session that have me forgetting what time of day it is... and the fact that my loved ones have been through this with me so many times over the years, that I am basically going through the battle alone, homelessness and all.
I feel stupid even having these feelings. But something has got to give.
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- 4 months ago
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