(M,24) i was on this thread last night for hours just lurking while goin thru my cocaine induced psychosis hahaha wild sub i love it but now that i have ate and showered i can think a little bit. So like everyone else i get high and its just calming for me, i been using for many years now all through high school but once i got older and a decent job affording drugs was not a problem, i also had an opiate problem in high school but i kicked that and i guess i chose cocaine. I have been using probably daily for over two years now.. im tired, im sore, im tired of lying, im tired of being tired.. but when im high, everything in my normally loud and crowded head is quiet, the world is quiet just for that 5 minutes you know, clarity, i can think, i can be calm, i can focus. I can be me. Ive done it everyday for so fucking long i cant remember being sober, i smoke a lot of weed too and recently had a fun little bout of drug induced/sleep deprived psychosis and didnt learn my lesson cuz after got prescribed olanzipine, lasted 14 days and just went on a 4 day bender no sleep for 2.5, i fucking hate this cycle, the way i can convince myself just one more or just go get another bag. I actually did all my shit and i havent slept in days so im gonna take my meds and hopefully sleep cuz i got work at 7am. This isnt fun anymore, i do it bcuz i want to die when im not on it, my dopamine receptors have been fried lol i just hope i can find joy in things again sober one day. Good luck every one and stay safe out there, if you made it this far thank you for listening to my rant and have a good day friends