Until it’s fucking not and you’re begging God to either kill you or let a bed finally open up for you and your also addicted husband…

Before it’s too late to get your beautiful 19 month old baby girl back WHO DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS SHIT. She didn’t ask to be here, she didn’t ask to have addicts as parents (we are both addicted to fentanyl and meth heavily), she didn’t Ask to be taken from my arms by complete strangers because I couldn’t just get clean.

I haven’t seen her since July. I could already have her back in my care but ofc my selfish addiction gets my ass every time. This past Sunday I realized how pathetic and empty my life is. I’ve lost so many things this relapse. The biggest things aren’t material tho. I have never felt this low before….but something changed in me.

I realized that this is IT for me to get it together. I have four months left to get her back before the courts adopt her out. SHE IS MY LIFE. My heart is broken because I don’t have her! My world is useless! It is black, she is my light! My rainbow! I FINALLY realized that the universe can have the car, the apartment, the relationship, the family and friends, the money, everything.

SHE WON’T TAKE MY AMANI. SHE WON’T. I love her too much. I fucked up MAJORLY and I could’ve left a precious soul with scars before she could even understand what that meant.

I will Do Better, Be Better, No Excuses. I have a purpose greater than myself now & it will motivate me for the rest of my life.

Gm/Gn y’all. Happy tweakin. Remember, Shits fun till it ain’t. I miss my dopamine and serotonin lmao