PED STARTER

Im am 18 year old been going gym 3 years now and recently I got the need of taking test. Before I get told that I will ruin myself and I’m just tryna show off , trust me I got nothing else going for me, the only thing carrying my physique right now is my height. I came from a fat kid background and around 16 I cut down a lot and became skinny fat since then I’ve been putting on muscle and in the gym I was going hard meaning I was spending hours I was doing good from , time under tension also got good rest , it got to the point where I got stretch marks everywhere since rapid growth but barley any size put on anyway , I’ve probably got the worst genetics I mean wide rib cage , put on fat easily , small arms and hands , wide hips. With my currrent physique it looks like I started gym recently. Anyways enough of my crying I’ve thought about going on Test but I’m kinda worried that it will fuck up my natural testosterone for the rest of my life and I’m gonna have to take TRT treatment, also gyno is a big fear and stunning my growth (even tough I probably won’t grow anymore) . If you got any tips on how to go about it please help