I hate travel adverts they always make me feel like the bag of fat and possibly alcoholic scum that I am.

Mainly the shitty made for tv family enjoying it that I hate, I’ve never seen or experienced a family holiday that was enjoyable for everyone, fine your kids will be happy sat by the pool or on the beach all day but we all know it’s the parents that suffer on days like that listening to the noise and constant pestering of the lucky lucky man

Now, what I wanna see is a realistic advert by some cheap shitty airline that shows regular cunts like us drinking from the second we wake up getting absolutely shit faced in an airport lounge, cracking beers open when we all get out of an overpriced taxi and carrying on into the 2nd day on a hangover like we’re ready to compete at an Olympic level gymnastics. I wanna hear big Shazza from the council estate shouting “I'm ready for this, there's no denying I'm ready for this, you stop me falling ” like she’s main character on an advert

Surely paying a group of pissed and drugged up brits to go finger a fat std riddled skank and having a kebab after you’ve thrown up in a Salou bar is a better advert than anything these airlines can produce. I say we bring back flying for the regular cattle class scum like us. Fuck jet2 and fuck Jess Glynne.

Don’t get me wrong but I like to act a bit posh now and then by going to nicer places for a few days away, thing is I also like to do it on cheap.

Like the time I went to Sweden, beautiful place and cheaper than normal at the time. it was cheaper mainly because of a semi mass casualty terrorist attack, personally I find that the best time to go to a place. I always find that I’m more relaxed under the illusion of security, never see a place get terrorised twice a month

The second I landed I had armed guards that swept me off my feet to a hotel room I didn’t have to pay for, it was almost like a 5 star resort, I asked for food and water I had food and water delivered to me in minutes, I felt so cultured and even leaned some local Swedish songs, main song I remember is “vi kommejr att döda dig” I later found out I had been kidnapped and they thought I was a spy for the CIA.

Think I’ll go back there next year, I miss them guys and the fun we had, could say I have a touch of Stockholm syndrome.