Since we started this, I put lots of limits on myself to be disconnected from our playmates. I wore a blindfold and only moved or touched at my husband's direction. After a few sessions, we both were feeling a bit meh about it. It was just mechanical. There was no sensuality or tenderness between us and our playmate. We started discussing how we were both missing the sensuality in our play with others. I asked my husband "You want me to be more handsy?" (Up to this point I didn't purposely allow my hands to wander.) "Yes", he says. Our next session was with a return playmate (B). We started off with a little making out. It was nice, but I was still was holding back and overthinking. Things progressed and we did this thing and that thing until I am on my back with my husband's cock in my mouth while B is fucking me. I could tell that B was getting close right when my husband says "Ok, let's switch it up." I felt Bs arms tense up and he starts fucking me harder. He really wasn't wanting to move at that moment. My husband can see it too and begins caressing B and coaxing him to finish inside me. He does and collapses on top of me. I reach my hand up and rub the back of his head. That was the first instance when I felt a connection to one of our guys and it was sweet. It's not a romantic connection, it's not anywhere close to the connection between my husband and I. It's a moment of endearment. The Greeks have several different words for love and the way I love my husband is Eros (a deep romantic love). The way I love our guys is Ludus (a playful love). We have discovered that a connection with our guys is important to us. We hope it's important to them to. We call them our boyfriends. Not because we expect them to make some sort of relational commitment to us (beyond the prior agreements for testing and staying clean). We call them our boyfriends because they are endeared to us. They are the ones who we selected and who choose us to share in this crazy thing we do. Don't be afraid of connecting, just make sure everything stays in it's rightful place and your focus and priority always remains with your spouse.