meaning...you explore stag/vixen life with one partner and not the other partner? if you do have experience...how do you tell your other partner? do you just sit them down BEFORE anything happens? do you see if your partner can handle the lifestyle coming to fruition IRL before telling your other partner as not to worry them unnecessarily?

I am practicing polyamory and am in this situation. My partner into the lifestyle is one individual and the kink stays between us two. My other partner said that I cheated on him (when i had the approval, consent and support of the other). Sadly, I was mistaken. I viewed it like if one partner and I are into BDSM, I am not going to call up my other say "Ben is thinking about shibari and tying me up..is that OK?" or "I presented to Ben about brining another woman into our bedroom, is that Ok?" My stag/vixen partner doesn't want my BDSM partner to be my bull. My BDSM partner would be about it with a long conversation. Since one does not want it. I did not bring it up. I do not take time away from my BDSM partner and wanted to talk with him but i was mourning my 18 year old dog who I just said good bye to on February 15th...that night my BDSM partner went through my phone (he and I had plans to talk on Friday the 16th - that clearly did not happen).

I desire to approach this maturely. Unfortunately, my BDSM partner has been more...public...about the situation with friends...after being tightlipped about our dynamic for 4 years with friends. IDK