For single and solo males who are seriously interested in connecting with Stag / Vixen couples It is my pleasure to volunteer this “quick list” so that it may contribute to your understanding and increase your success when reaching out to couples. I’ll start by introducing myself and my dynamic in the LS as well as share a little bit about the process we use. While I understand that all couples have their unique approach, I’ve learned that many couples are looking for similar qualities.

To my fellow stag and vixen couples, what makes your process work and what would you add to the “quick list”? Leave a comment below, let’s share our perspectives to help elevate the quality of our respective visitors.

Hello, I go by “Red” online and I’m a Stag. My wife and I studied many dynamics in the lifestyle for more than a decade before committing ourselves to it about three years ago. While we occasionally participate as a Full-Swap couple, Stag & Vixen is our primary dynamic and we don’t exclude singles from our LS journey because single men do well for our MFM experiences. As a functioning stag I easily satisfy my wife as often as I like, it is my compersive nature towards her and her appreciation for it that drives our lifestyle choices.

Like many similar couples, all vetting for our play starts with me as soon as you DM. In the vetting role I’m a literal gate-keeper. On reddit specifically my goal is to quickly process message requests to determine who gets through and who doesn’t. Due to the shear number of DM’s I receive it’s true that most chat invites are ignored.

Here's how I decide who to accept and who to ignore:

A.     Firstly, we’ve developed a process that includes a pinned post which explains a lot about us and what we are or aren’t into. In any r4r post we make we always direct you to read the pinned post before you DM. This creates the first opportunity for vetting because you now have everything you need to make a good first impression and to demonstrate consideration and understanding for what we’ve communicated. Most people who DM get ignored right here because they ignore this communication.

B.     Secondly, I’ve learned that despite having a sex-positive approach most Vixen’s have preferences and standards, my Vixen is no different. We communicate her phenotype preferences in the pinned post, so I always check the provided photos to ensure compatibility to her communicated preferences. Some, but not as many get ignored here.

C.    Lastly, my wife looks at your DM at which point you’re either attractive to her or you aren’t. If so, I accept the chat invitation and ultimately work towards deciding if we're going to invite you to meet me to make sure you are who you say you are and that you'll do what you say you will. (Basically we're learning if you're a flake or real).

That’s our specific process, the rest is an observation of how well you display certain qualities.

I believe that this "quick list" represents the some of the top qualities and practices that many couples are looking for. The best part is that any individual can learn and apply these:

1. When you DM - Provide an excellent and thoughtful introduction with a clean and current 'vanilla' photo. I will dare to speak on behalf of 99.9% of LS couples when I say that if you do not at minimum string together a sentence and include a good photo - you will be ignored. ***Hint: Imagine you're applying to be placed in a very trusted position..., Provide a quality social profile appropriate SFW photo that paints an accurate picture of who you are and what you look like when you're in a happy place and all cleaned up. AND, if the couple provides a pinned post make sure you've read it in its entirety and consider what it says in your introduction.***
2. Do what you say you're going to do and mean what you say. Singles, your ghosting and flake b.s. is statistically out of control. We've concluded that 98.69% of singles poaching swinger sites are just here to hold their own meat and try to get free sexting (non-enm married men aren't doing much better). To separate yourself as the .2% be different. If you talk about meeting up do it and be a man about it. If you're uncomfortable then say so, don't commit to things you can't or won't do. Which leads us to number 3.
3. Don't misrepresent yourself. Be honest with yourself and communicate honestly and upfront with couples about what you want and what you are or aren't comfortable with. There is literally something for everyone on reddit, find your people. Don’t prey on others just to suit yourself, that is predatory behavior.
4. Ask questions. Learn the questions to ask. In the stag / vixen dynamic we're 100% about her pleasure first and her positive experience. ***Hint: learn about her. Her sexual likes, general dislikes, what she's into, hard limits and boundaries. And;***
5. Don't forget about the Stag. In this dynamic the husband is not less than. He’s generally the king of his house! You should think of him as a fucking awesome buddy that may let you fuck his wife for her pleasure. If you're lucky enough to chat with both stag and vixen don't forget to reach out to your new pal occasionally. *Dynamic depending, see how he feels about a vanilla platonic hang. Maybe invite him out somewhere close to him to watch a game and drink a beer once in a while! (I'm telling you guys too much, all the secrets...)
6. Learn and respect their dynamic. There are MANY dynamics and variations in the LS and even different commonly used terms have different meaning to different people. Don't assume you understand, a lot of couples are still navigating themselves and learning how to communicate the things that are important to them. You definitely don't want to assume that a Vixen's not satisfied with her Stag or that he doesn't get the job done. Understanding why they're in the LS and being able to communicate why you are in the LS is huge!
7. Learn the rules, follow the rules. Every couple (heck everyone in the LS) has some kind of process, rules, boundaries. Watch for them, ask about them, learn them. Respect them and NEVER stray from them not in chat, not IRL. The only questions about the rules and process should be to understand them, not to challenge them.
8. Don't be pushy. If she wants to fuck tonight, you'll be invited tonight. ***Hint: She probably won’t want to.*** Remember as a Vixen she is well satisfied at home. Most Vixens, with respect to their Stags and own preferences are looking for quality and maybe the occasional gangbang. In any case it takes vetting and planning. Your urgent “come fuck me rn” DM’s and posts don't scream quality. They scream the opposite; failed to plan, desperate, unwanted, unattractive, and if none of those are true then narcissistic and arrogant.

If you're following this "quick list" well and can't have your pick of vixens and hot wives then you're shopping out of your depth or league. Or most likely you’re faking it, and we can tell. It's not uncommon for a couple to receive 40-100's of DM’s (sometimes in a single day) every time they make a post. I won’t claim to be an expert but I am a student and every one of those DM’s teaches me a lesson.

Good luck! I hope you find benefit in this post and learned something from our perspective. If you did, let us know in the comments. If I used any terms that you aren’t familiar with, I have an LS Terms and Abbreviations pinned (second post) on my profile that shares how we identify with and relate to the terms we use. It is in no way all-inclusive, nor is it intended to speak on behalf of the Lifestyle community as a whole but it may help you get started and we find that it generally represents the community well with few exceptions.