TW for mention of SI ideation.

I want to preface this post by saying that I see and recognize that Spravato affects everyone differently, and I am not saying that my experience is in any way the norm or is what people should expect going into treatment with Spravato. PLEASE do not read my story and expect the same results if you are new to Spravato, because I see a lot of people talk about how it takes a much longer time to see results from treatment than I have.

That being said, Spravato has absolutely saved my life.

I am 10 treatment days into my journey with Spravato. Prior to starting my treatment, I had tried numerous medications that had never even touched my depression. My symptoms began was I was 5 years old and have plagued me ever since (I am currently 38). I had even tried TMS, with no relief. Nothing, and I mean N O T H I N G worked.

After the end of my friendship with my best friend of 10 years, I was done. I was ready to end it all. To the point of having a plan, and a date. I felt relief knowing it would be over soon.

My psychiatrist, I think, knew that things were reaching a boiling point (maybe not quite to the extent) and asked if I was aware that Spravato was covered by insurance. I told her I was not. She made me promise to look into it, and get back to her.

I made the consultation appointment with no real intention of following through. Then I went, out of curiosity. Then, to my surprise, I was approved.

I told my friend "I'll try it. At worst, nothing changes. As usual."

I had my first appointment on February 2nd. Today, I am no longer having any SI. I still have hard days, but I am able to work through my hard emotions better. I can self regulate in a way I have literally never been able to before. I am far less likely to breakdown and spiral and completely lose myself to that darkness that used to consume me.

I know it's still there. I feel it around the edges of my awareness, but it is no longer all consuming.

I know my experience with Spravato is probably not the norm. My doctor and the technician were both very taken aback (and continue to be) when I was able to walk in with a smile and and excitedly tell them I had thrown away all my notes after a couple of sessions. Excited for me, but taken aback.

I am aware that I may cycle and need to adjust my doses or my frequency of visits if my mood dips, or I plateau. But I am okay with that. Sparvato has given me a life I have never experienced.

I hope this post doesn't come off as boastful, or in any way misleading about what Spravato is potentially capable of. I am just truly grateful for what it has given me, and I guess I just wanted to give some people a little bit of hope that it can make a difference.

I wish you all the very best in your healing journey. 💜