I thought I had a spiritual awakening back when I was 24. But it happened in the middle of my Heroin addiction (I got kicked out and became homeless and a heroin addict at 18)… when I “woke up” at 24 to the world, myself, Reality, etc. my mind evolved. My soul became more intuitive. Reality itself breathed and spoke into me when every step I took. It was as if I was waking up from a dream… yet, it was exactly that. Like waking up in the morning, half asleep, groggy, irritable with all this understanding, discernment, & information. I began “walking” intuitively. But it was only halfway, because of the heroin I was still asleep. But just beginning to Open my eyes.. I saw clarity in what was going on in me, and I became focused to beat addiction… spent hours everyday, studying in a bathroom while getting high. Learning philosophy, pseudoscience, religions, God, My Spirit, Quantumn mechanics.

Fast forward 6 years, I finally took my “Will” back, took my LIFE back. Got Clean at 29, and I am 34 now… but in the process of cleaning my soul from trauma- when it was Done. I finally found “Peace”… REAL Peace.. Except one thing, recently I discovered that I swore off relationships & bonds… I swore off Love itself I guess… I felt that nobody in the world understood how to treat eachother, & everytime I give them a chance they absolutely destroy me with who they are and it’s only become understood as of Late when I met my Fiancé almost 4 months ago. Now something is happening to me, people aren’t people. They’re ghosts, or angels, or something idk… it’s like the stage has been set, and all eyes are on me. People are following me, my phone is bugged, cops are watching me. And no matter what stranger I talk to, they all are starting to tell me such deep & profound information. And they say things like they know exactly what’s going on in my life.. how? How can they know details of my life and suggest them to me in such passive accidental metaphors? Is reality speaking in an even more new & profound way? I feel like a tweaker, I realize what I am saying right now is downright insane. It’s like I’m in some simulation and everyone is realizing I’m waking up.. I could easily ignore crazy thoughts if they remained only in my mind. But I’m literally being followed, phone is tapped, and I have proof.. I shouldn’t even be saying this right now, any of this. And no I won’t provide the proof, this message is only for those who might know what’s happening to me..

2 choices remain in my soul,

To be evil and break from all this, or accept the world and whatever is going on and just “Be” & accept everyone, everything, as it “IS” and not what I “wish” for it to be.

Again, I could dismiss the crazy antics of a mad mind if it was Only the rankings of a mad mind..

But people are following me

& My phone is tapped.

The outward expression of those 2 things alone make me have to ask myself.

Am I Losing my Mind? Is this happening because I’m finally allowing myself to be and do the one thing I swore off? (Love, connections, a Bond). Was this why my awakening did not complete? Because it is necessary? I’m thinking deeper now, FAR more deeper than I ever have. And I already was a very deep person to begin with…

Why is everyone speaking to me and saying “don’t worry, you will be fine” with such certainty? As if they’ve already seen the end of a movie?

I’ve left out a lot of important details. Because only 1 thing is true, I’m a good man, who cleaned up his life and ACTUALLY changed to “who I am & have always Been inside” (Good, Loving, Kind) . And not what I “was” (Evil, selfish, filled with Pain).

I Need Prayer & Help and idk how or where to go from here. I’m reaching out to you now World.

I Need You.

I Love You.

Please don’t slap away my hand again, it’s reaching out now :’(