Are you a new couple wanting to play with another couple, but not sure where to start? 

By all means, we are not experienced swingers, but Hubby and I have had some experiences over the past year with other couples, and have had some amazing fun times, so we just wanted to really offer these basic but hopefully helpful tips, from some of our experiences. Each one of us is different of course, and living our own stories and lives, so you got to do what is best for you and your relationship.

BEFORE YOU START:

First off, no matter what sort of couple you might be when entering the lifestyle, whether you are married, in a relationship, or FWBs, your relationship/dynamic together needs to be in a VERY strong place, and you both need to have a good level of TRUST with and for each other, before you even begin to consider being in this lifestyle, or it’s just not going to be a good experience for you. This is something that doesn’t really get talked about, but being in the lifestyle, it can bring up a lot of emotional baggage/insecurities and other things that may come up of which you may not realise, so you BOTH need to be prepared for this, and to be there for each other.

COMMUNICATE: We cannot stress this enough, it doesn’t matter what sort of relationship/dynamic you have (Whether you are married, or FWB’s) you need to communicate, communicate, and communicate some more with each other. YOU BOTH need to always be on the wavelength, and always wanting the same things. Of course, your wants and needs may change being in the lifestyle, and that’s ok, but again, you BOTH need to communicate your feelings, wants and needs together.

You both need to work out together WHY you are wanting to do this.. Why do you want to be a part of the lifestyle and why do you want to find a couple? Will it be a social outlet for you, where you meet new people, or will it be strictly to have fun and create new experiences together. If one of you is only doing this to keep the other happy. PLEASE DO NOT ENTER THE LIFESTYLE, until both of you are wanting to do this. Again, it’s not going to be a good experience for you, or for the other couples out there, who you come across, so make sure you are both doing this for yourselves and for the right reasons. Unfortunately, we have met people who have split up, broken their marriage and lives, and a good part of it, was from being in the lifestyle, and it all became too much for them, because one person wanted to be in the lifestyle more than the other.

How much time will you be investing in this lifestyle? We are all busy, with work, family, and other commitments, so it is always a wise decision to really sit down together and work out how much of your time will you really be investing in the lifestyle. When will you be doing the meets/play time. Remember, that it can take up an awful lot of time to sort through potential profiles, to chat to them/swap pictures/organise a group chat together so you can all talk with each other. Then on top of that, there will always be the times of when you may chat to the couple/s on the phone/or text, or when you are then ready to meet people, you will need to have time to meet with them, organise drinks/dinner/dates/accommodation, and go on meets, then there is the potential to play after. All of this takes up time, so make sure you do have enough sufficient time to be able to give to this lifestyle. If you are just wanting to start off by seeing what is out there, and if time is very limited, make sure you let the couple know so then that they are aware of your situation.  

PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE: We find Redhotpie, Fetlife, Reddit are some good sites to go on to look for couples. If you go on Redhotpie, you can have a Guest account, but you are unable to message people, we suggest that if you want a chance to meet people, make sure you get a paid account, you have more options and are then able to message people on there. If you are on Redhotpie, make sure you complete your profile to really use it to your advantage and be honest with what you are looking for.

What sort of play will you be comfortable doing? In the life style, a lot of couples use the following terms, and here are the definitions of what we believe they are (Of course please do your own research, a lot of people have different meanings on the terms, and always confirm with the other couple, what they believe the terms are.) 

Full swap – When you do a full swap with the other couple, and usually it can mean foreplay and intercourse.

Soft swap – When you do a swap with the other couple, and usually it means oral play only

FF play/Guys watch – When the two girls play together, and guys watch.

It can take time to find your right couple. READ people’s profiles. Do you all match? You need to make sure you are all on the same wavelength and all want the same sort of experience/expectations.

BEWARE of scams and fake profiles. If there are any sort of orange/red flags that you may have when you are chatting to each other, then you need to pay attention to this.

ONCE YOU FIND A POTENTIAL COUPLE:

GROUP CHAT: When you have chatted for a little bit, you may need to consider, setting up a group chat in platform/app (Such as WhatsApp, Snapchat, Kik, discord or telegram) this will help you all really get to know each other. This also allows you to talk about your experiences/expectations/boundaries and hard limits, which are all good to do preferably before you do a play date. It can give you all a chance to get to know each other, and maybe have flirty/banter chat which is always great for the leadup to your meet/play date.

BE HONEST AND OPEN: ALWAYS be honest and open with the couple, and your partner. If something doesn’t feel right, or if you aren’t fully ready, you need to be upfront and totally honest with yourself, do not tell a lie just to make yourself look good, it will come back to bite you.

ALWAYS GO AT YOUR OWN PACE: Make sure you always go at your own pace. If you are starting out, you may want to just chat and get to know likeminded people, or maybe if you are ready, you could always start off with a soft swap first, and then lead up to full swap if that’s what you want, if this is the case, make sure you have this on your profile, and let your couple know what you are wanting, preferably before you do your playdate.

BOUNDARIES/HARD LIMITS: Everyone has boundaries and hard limits; you need to ask your couple what their boundaries and hard limits are.. Also discuss what your boundaries and hard limits, and expectations are.. (Preferably before the play date so you know where you stand)

GO IN WITH AN OPEN MIND: Always go with a very OPEN mind. When meeting new people, have no expectations. Even if you seem to get along really well online over the group chat/s, and online, when it comes to meeting people in real life, people aren’t always what they may appear to be, so have no expectations at all. 

WHEN YOU DO PLAY, BE SAFE: Of course, wearing condoms are a safe bet in this lifestyle, but you need to talk to your couple about what they are wanting or expecting in terms of this. Also make sure you have regular STI Checks done and results ready to show in case your couple askes you. If condoms are required, make sure you bring your own!

FORM A THICK SKIN: It doesn’t matter what you look like in this lifestyle, whether you are hot supermodel type of people, unfortunately, the truth is, you will be ghosted or rejected at some point in this lifestyle, and yes it does feel horrible being rejected or ghosted, but you just need to try and move on as quick as you can from it, realise that you aren’t always going to be someone’s cup of tea, and that’s ok, but you then need to get back out there. 

TAKE A BREAK IF IT GETS TOO MUCH: Being in this lifestyle can be so much fun, but it also can be very overwhelming, and emotionally draining, sometimes, it’s ok to take a break if it’s getting too much. It’s very time-consuming, and so easy to get stuck down the ‘rabbit hole’ or being on apps, trying to find new couples, going through profiles, chatting with people, forming new connections. So, go easy on yourself, and take a break if you need to. Don’t forget to take some time out with your partner too. The lifestyle shouldn’t take over from your relationship/s.

GO WITH THE UPS AND DOWNS: The sad fact of it all, is that this lifestyle really does comes in waves, if this is something we have learnt over the past year, you will have such amazing times, meeting new people, forming connections  and having fun, but you will also have your down times, where people aren’t always what they appear to be, you will be ghosted, rejected or sometimes play or meetings don’t always go the way you like, and if that’s the case, then you need to regroup together, and communicate with each other what you would like to do, will you get back out there, or will you take a break. YOU BOTH need to come to the decision together.

MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELVES: As a couple, this is a big thing. You BOTH need to take the time to also make time for just you and your partner. Yes it’s fun being in the lifestyle, but only allow that to be an extended part of your sex life. YOU BOTH need to always reconnect with each other, even if it’s a date night out for yourselves, or doing what you like doing.

 Last but not least, ENJOY and ALWAYS have fun, this is what it’s all about!