Ive been having strong negative feeling I’ve been carrying around all the time. I asked myself why is this beneficial? Why do I feel like shit all the time? I hate it and I can’t run away from it.

I guess hard times make strong people but damn it I need a fucking break, I want to feel safe and good about myself for a while. I want to feel and be successful. I have been actively trying to be a nicer person, increase my frequency, become more educated, work out 3-5 times a week. But the feeling is still there.

This anxiety, awkwardness, and uneasy has caused me to alienate myself from the world and it just becomes a self feeding cycle. To what end? I would rather be given a mission or task than to blindly stumble in the dark hoping that one year I would learn the lesson.