So I've been casually trying to learn to write music for a while. It's something I'm very passionate about, but I have been dealing with ADHD and depression making it very VERY hard to build any sort of structure. Recently made some changes in my life and started medication, so I have a renewed optimism and drive to really learn, and really build an effective routine. The only thing stopping me is myself.

I don't want to be reliant on music "hacks" and stuff. I care about genuinely understanding music, building it to a point where it's innate.

Up until this point, what I've done to stay consistent is casual consume music theory content when interested, very occasionally learn songs on the piano, and mostly just mess around.

While just attempting to write is fun, only ever doing that the majority of the time is not the most effective by itself. Don't get me wrong, I've learned a lot just from trial and error, but I need to fit in actual practice. I just fins myself a bit directionless at time. Recently the only real breakthrough I made is loosening up a bit on theory while writing occasionally. Building from theory helps, but occasionally just pressing buttons and letting a weird instinctual feeling take over can lead you to explore outward a bit more, but I'd still like to be able to analyze these things afterwards so I can then understand what I was playing. I never want to feel like something sounds good and I don't know why.

Anyway, got a bit rambly there. What I am looking for is basically the core pillars and practice habits of music understanding, as well as how to effectively practice these things, and possible specific resources that I can look into.

The only one I know for sure is to spend more time learning pre-existing songs on piano. That's just comes down to needing to put in the effort, but I am slowly getting better.

and of course I'll keep attempting to write.

I just want to start making more noticable progress, and besides those two things, I'm just having trouvle figuring out exactly how and where to put my focus and effort towards.

I apologize if the post is a bit weird and rambly, sometimes I'm not the best at explaining myself. Any advice is appreciated :)