I (f) have never been in a relationship before. I am asexual and probably have some degree of autism as my brother has it and I have a lot of the traits. I was always attracted to the idea of having multiple partners but what really drove me to poly was the realization that I was ace. Suddenly my dating pool seemed nonexistent. But even before learning about poly, I was always okay with the thought of a significant other having sex with other people from me in order to fulfill their needs. I had the philosophy of "if I couldn't fulfill them that way and found it personally repulsive anyways then why couldn't they go out and get that from someone else?"

When I found poly and found that some ace people like myself did in fact use it to remove the pressure on themselves to have sex and to expand their dating pool I was overjoyed. The thought of my partners having partners doesn't bother me at all. But maybe that's because I've never had a relationship. Maybe I'm not possessive because I've never had that experience.

Anyway, I eventually gravitated to solo-poly because marriage, living together, merging finances, and having kids never appealed to me. I am kind of introverted when I've had a full day of interacting and the last thing I want is to walk into my house and see another person to interact with. Even now I prefer getting home when nobody else is around and kind of dread it when my family comes back too soon. I love the thought of having standing dates because it's just that extra bit of structure that my brain craves and allows me to not automatically isolate myself. I kinda have a thing for scheduling and organizing and it doesn't feel like a chore at all so that part of it is squared away but I'm just unsure if starting out my relationships with poly would be the best thing to do.

I don't want a monogamous relationship. The thought of having my encounters and ensuing relationships take shape how they want to instead of having to find Mr. Perfect just relieves me. Monogamy might just be suffocating for me. I don't need multiple partners I just need the option to pursue new connections in whatever form they take without limits (to a certain extent).

But on the other hand, it seems rare that people start out poly. Most people on here have at least some experience in monogamy so I don't know if it may be jumping the gun to be searching for multiple relationships when I haven't even had one yet. What if I monumentally screw up multiple people's hearts? I'm not too worried about my own because I'm more of a take things as they go kind of person and only get to a certain level of sadness for lost relations. I've had some really good friends that I've fallen out of contact with although I still see them around and have their numbers and the like.

The loss of them makes me sad but doesn't stop me from making new friends and I'm always more than happy to rekindle a friendship. But I am super worried about really hurting someone else if I venture out with poly. I do a LOT of research, specifically about solo-poly, in my spare time with articles, Reddit posts, discord, quora, podcasts, and basically anything I can get my hands on for free. But I don't know if all of that's enough without prior experience in a relationship.

I don't want to "open-up". I'm fully solo-poly and that will never be a thing I do. But I might migrate to poly relations after my first few experiences inevitably fizzle out and I get the lessons that your first relationships are supposed to teach you. I obviously don't necessarily want them to but I know the likelihood of your first few relationships working is very slim. I know people have jumped into poly cold turkey before and been successful but I don't know if I'm playing with people's hearts if I try it like this. Any thoughts on this are appreciated.