When my nesting partner of five years ended things a few months ago, I was devastated. I couldn't imagine a life without him. After a lot of reflection, I realized I'm actually really looking forward to what my future holds. I still love him dearly and I'm sad for the loss of the relationship, but I can see now that I had actually lost a lot of myself in a deeply enmeshed coupledom.

We started monogamous and opened up to polyamory after a year and a half and it was honestly pretty successful. We both had other loving long term relationships. While we worked to dismantle our couple's privilege, there was of course hierarchy in our dynamic and over time I realized how limiting that felt to me. I know the relationship ended but I wouldn't say it "failed." I think we both learned and grew a lot, taking things away from our time together. Unfortunately, we also grew apart.

I've realized that I don't want to live with or ride the relationship escalator with anyone, and I'm looking forward to embracing life as my own primary partner. I was a serial monogamist and haven't been single for long periods of time since I started dating in college. In hindsight I can see how codependent my relationships habitually were. I've decided to embrace independence and freedom instead of lamenting the loss and (false sense of) security I had in my nesting partnership.

I'm actually really proud of myself because one of my other partners asked me to nest with him and I declined, even though I knew it would disappoint him (and it means I have to move back home with my parents for a bit until I become more financially stable). I finally put my needs and wants first, even though it was difficult, and it feels really, really good. I'm looking forward to my solo poly journey!