Still important to be single for a season? *Cross posted in the RA sub *

Hi all. I left a 16 year partnership with house and kids and marriage starting last January. But it’s been incremental. We have a big house and it started with me moving out of the master and into the guest suite but still cohabiting this whole time. I’ve also stopped having sex with them maybe in February, and have pretty much not turned to them for emotional support since June. Since then I’ve been lightly talking to other people. This marriage had been my entire adult life. We had an open/swinging relationship the whole time, so talking to other people is not new. I was a hinge last year when I dated another woman being the first time during our marriage we went “poly”.

I’m learning a lot about myself and the more distance I gain the more healing and perspective I get. I’m learning not to see myself through his lens.

I’m really resonating with solo poly AND relationship anarchy. I’ve definitely always been a relationship anarchist even as a teen but didn’t realize there was a term for it until last year. Solo poly feels like the exact level of commitment I want. I want to prioritize my own self, kids, and career, as well as friends. I also have zero desire for the foreseeable future to coexist with a partner. That said, I know conventional wisdom says being single for a period of time after a long relationship is healthy. I’m wondering if it applies the same way if you are both soPo and RA??? What are your personal experiences? What wisdom can you share with me? I want to make sure I’m never getting into any type of codependency. I am not sure if I’m trying to be stoic for the sake of some dumb ass rule to be single for a while, or if I’m being smart to try to wait before I get into a relationship.

Thanks for any input!