So I've been typed as ESFj with pretty in depth explanations here on reddit and I'm pretty convinced of it, they are extremely credible and respected typologists and they brought up very good and detailed points. But a cluster fuck of people on discord keep telling me I have delta values, and I can sit there for hours trying to give my case and they will still see those traits strongly in me. Both sides seem pretty overwhelming and strong so I figured I could just bring it all together and get it settled all at once here instead of running from group to group in circles trying to figure out where I actually belong lmao.

I typically thrive best in an environment where everyone are considered equal and people are allowed to express themselves, with little to no restrictions on their speech/behavior, including me. I really hate it when I'm just having a good time and I get dragged down and slapped on the wrist because what I'm doing is "not appropriate." While I do believe in the right to be able to be yourself in a social gathering, I tend to be more reserved when there is excessive screaming, yelling, making "woo" noises, and talking about literally nothing, because I don't know what to do with myself and I can scream into the air as much as I want but no one will acknowledge me. I feel like there's a certain balance between self-expression and also acknowledging each others' words that if met, I'll be really cheerful and excited toward the group.

It's really apparent to me when a group of people is genuinely enjoying each others' presence or merely tolerating it and grouchily getting by. I've been in both settings, and the difference is as clear as day. One group is glaring, standing there, barely nodding when people talk, face in phone, standoffish, invisible, and almost snobby. The other group is engaging, welcoming, showing interest in you, clearly enjoying your existence in the group, going with the flow, and letting you behave however you want. If I'm stuck in the stoic, pointless group I'll feel almost disgusted afterwards, especially if I wasted energy on them.

As I'm typing this right now, I'm sitting in a restaurant and the people here are only here for business. They're wearing suits, fancy tops, makeup, and carrying around brochures and paperwork. The conversation is split up right now into 2 micro conversations, and I feel like I have no place in here at all, so I'm withdrawing onto my phone. Nobody here seems to care about anything but selling stuff and it's been pretty bleh, ngl. Every time I've tried to chime into the conversation, I get dirty looks. This is the kind of thing I walk away from feeling pretty disgruntled, lol.

On the other side of the spectrum though, I've been in environments where nobody cares about me too, but for entirely different reasons. There's like 80 conversations going on at once, all closed and non-accepting to new members, people are like twerking or something in the corner, people are standing up on chairs and screaming profanity, at any given moment you'll hear a super loud "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" for literally whatever reason you can think of, and nobody looks you in the eye for longer than .00001 seconds before moving on to the next shiny thing. That is just as bad as the business environment, because I still can't seem to be acknowledged and I'm just smiling or something in the middle of the room while all the wild crap goes down and unable to join.

The best balance I've found is in an environment where people are listened to, but not to the point where everything is just drowning in formalities. Nobody is considered "higher" or "lower" than anyone, and everyone who wants to talk gets their say, and condescension and domineering garbage never happens because the people are actually interested in having an actual get together. We're all allowed to laugh as much as we want, share all our stories, and have their say, but we're not constantly up in the clouds or down in the dumps. We're allowed to ask for pictures, everyone is on board for everything, and we're really enjoying ourselves and not having to constantly meet unwritten expectations or rank up your party animal tendencies just to fit in the group.

I hope I'm explaining this right lol, and I would like your thoughts on this, because I'm basically playing like four corners with the quadras and I don't know what to do anymore lmao