A little context here, I’ve tried this multiple times and always break for some reason I make before I even start my sobriety. (I.e. visiting family, music festival, company party) I always say I’m not gonna jump right back into it but here I am again, going though at least a half ounce of weed a month. I honestly don’t see it as that much of a problem most of the time but consciously, I know it’s stunting my emotions and mental growth.

I recently got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and feel like I’ve hit a wall in therapy cause of how cloudy I always am. So between my therapist and I, we decided I need to spend some time being sober so I can make some progress and IF I feel like I can find a happy medium, than we will cross that bridge when we get there. I’ve done 30 days sober before and I remember how great it felt for a while, but I feel like you all understand more than anyone how hard the first few days are.

Honestly, idk why I’m even posting this, maybe it’s to journal my thoughts out, maybe it’s my way of reaching out for support.

(Side note: alcohol has been a serious problem in the past for me and my family is full of addicts and alcoholics, I currently feel like I have a good grip on alcohol even though I know it’s a slippery slope. I’m honestly only OT drinking cause I know how easy it would be to replace one addictions with another, but it’s a lot harder to quit drinking when you work as a cook in a brewery that gives you an unnecessary amount of free beer 😑)

Update: okay, I know this isn’t the healthiest way to go about this, but after talking with my therapist, we decided on a new plan. Currently I’m switching over to a new health insurance which will make me either change to a new therapist or pay out of pocket for my current therapist (which this is the first therapist I’ve made progress with since I was a child.) With all that being said, we felt like cutting my therapy down 3/4 of its current frequency along with going completely sober while I’m still learning at a new job might be to much stress all at once. I’ve cut back on the smoking, giving myself a time I’m allowed to smoke later in the day (later than the start of my shift) in hopes of finding a middle ground. Then, once we can have frequent appointments again, it might be easier for me to be completely sober for a while after cutting back.